Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of
me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just
leave me the hell alone.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and
a leaky tire.
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your
neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
No one is listening until you make a mistake.
Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a
warning to others.
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple
of car payments
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their
shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and
you have their shoes.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was
probably worth it.
If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.
The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and
put it back in your pocket.
Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.
A closed mouth gathers no foot.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side & a dark side,
and it holds the universe together.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.