...from little kids, sometimes the wisest of all...


Never trust a dog to watch your food.

When your dad is mad and asks you, “Do I look stupid?” don’t answer him.

Never tell your mom her diet’s not working.

Stay away from prunes.

Never pee on an electric fence.

Don’t squat with your spurs on.

Don’t pull Dad’s finger when he tells you to.

When your mom is mad at your dad, don’t let her brush your hair.

Don’t sneeze in front of your mom when you’re eating crackers.

Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a tic tac.

Never hold a dust buster and a cat at the same time.

You can’t hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Don’t wear polkadot underwear under white shorts.

Felt markers are not good to use as lipstick.

Don’t pick on your sister when she’s holding a baseball bat.

When you get a bad grade in school, show it to your mom when she’s on the phone.

Never try to baptize a cat.


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